Tag Archive | abuse

Being born a female…

When I was a young, abused girl, I can remember questioning God (I did not know for sure that He existed, but I hoped that He did) as to why I wasn’t born a male. I clearly recall thinking that the abuse that I was suffering at the hands of men who should have loved and cherished my femininity, would not have occurred if I was a male.

For many of my confused young teenage years, I was mad about being a female, especially an abused one. God heard my cries and saw my suffering, even though I did not know it way back then. But, in my heart, I had no desire to try to be a male on my own whim; I guess that I was questioning God about my abuse deep down inside. I wondered why He allowed it.

I probably pondered it for many years; it’s a gray area these days, but revealing my heart and my journey can help someone. After all, at the chronological age of 64 at this writing, I’ve been privileged to learn a thing or two. Not that I think that wisdom comes with age because true wisdom comes from God at any age, but God has certainly given me more years to “learn the lessons of life”.

One day, many years ago, after a personal journey (later, I’ll write about it), I accepted Jesus as my Savior – knowing that I had, at the very least, broken several of His Ten Commandments. Understanding that if I broke even one, I was guilty of them all, it frightened me to spend another day without Jesus’ saving grace. All that I believed on that wonderful day in May 1981 at the young age of 28 years was that Jesus is the Son of God who came to this earth to take away a penalty that I deserved for being a sinner. I was changed forever – literally.

So, how was I changed? What happened inside of me and around me to change my destiny? My blog is about this incredible journey, full of wild and crazy adventures with Jesus and with other people in my life. It is my privilege and duty to share with you.

Abuse Grace?

Once again, Pastor Asa Dockery’s insight into God’s word spoke to my heart today about God’s grace.  Believers know that God’s grace is free, but I never considered that I might abuse this gift.  I know abuse, I lived through it and God delivered me from it, but how could I be abusing God’s grace?

Pastor states that:

We might not start out treating God’s grace as sacred, but let us go through some fiery trials because we walked away from His love for the pleasures of this world, and it will be the goodness of God that will recapture our attention.

My 15 year fiery trial has not been obvious to anyone but God.  But, finally, I am at a place where the goodness of God recaptured my attention and brought me to repentance.  God has been speaking clearly to me about bringing my flesh into subjection to His Spirit and getting His temple in order so that He can bring increase in many areas of my life.  I kept saying “tomorrow, Lord”, “I can’t”, “it’s too hard”, or “you love me the way that I am, right?”  Abusing the grace of God?  I know that performance doesn’t please God, so I would rationalize that if God wanted me thin, then He could perform a creative miracle and I’d wake up just the way that He wanted me to be.  So, I swore off any type of “diets”, but in essence I wanted an excuse to continue to live in rebellion – to abuse God’s grace.

After a child of God waivers and falls into sin, it will be the goodness of God that restores him to the place of grace from which he has fallen. We have a loving and compassionate heavenly Father, who is longsuffering. Let us honor the free gift of God and save ourselves from hardships and heartaches.

It’s about honor.  Honoring God’s grace.  Transformation has taken place in my mind today.  Finally, I rest in Your strength and am enjoying the sweet odor of obedience to Your grace.